Aggression in school aged children
You never want to be the parent that has the kid that hits, right? It's similar to having the kid that bites…that was me btw. So I get it - you kind of just want to squash it away, give them consequences and hopefully put that to rest. Here's the thing - when kids come in with problems with aggression, I want to know way more than just “they’re being aggressive.”
First off, I should define what I mean by aggression as there are a few levels of severity. I’m speaking about children that repeatedly get comments home from school from the teacher, or that you notice that amongst their friends, they seem to be the one that is more rough, or with siblings - they escalate quickly compared to the others. These are examples.
When I ask the question, what does this look like, it's because it's telling us more about the issue so we can support the whole person versus squashing the issue. I’ll also ask - what triggers the aggression, if anything? I will lay out four scenarios. See if any resonate with how you view your child or the feedback you get from school. Furthermore, you can ask your child’s teacher way more questions as to what they mean by ‘aggressive’ as there are so many types! Again as I mentioned in my SPD post, children’s actions are giving us answers into what their bodies are in need of. Let's go through four very different scenarios of aggression - here goes!
Scenario one: 11 year old male: happy go lucky mostly…however if they are in a bad mood, the teacher can tell he's ‘off.’ Teachers report a lack of focus which comes across as a bit ‘spacey.’ When he engages with his buddies he often close-talks and is totally unaware of personal space. If something ‘sets him off’ like for example a transition, there is no stopping how upset he gets. It's a tantrum: punching, kicking - and typically not directed at anyone. Generally speaking, you can't reason with him when he's in the thick of a tantrum. Once the tantrum starts it has to play out. Afterwards he’ll often have no recollection of it occurring.
For them, there is a disturbance of consciousness. And when the fit is over, they look and act a lot differently! This scenario is tough because in the acute situations, there is not a lot to do aside from let it play out. However, treating it with anthroposophical medicine remedies encourages the body to come more into consciousness, leading to tantrums occurring less as they are more present in their body/limbs. They are able to feel more consciously aware of ‘off days’ and logically think when you as a parent say ‘lets get you to bed earlier’ or ‘lets get some protein in you and a big glass of water!’ And if their almost teen like brain comes into play and refuses that, then well, we look for different coping strategies!
Scenario two: Now take for example a 7 year old boy who is also aggressive. In this case, the teacher reports that he is always bumping into others. The teacher also mentions that she repeatedly asks him to stop bumping into others and respect personal space, they say he acknowledges the request, yet then does it again minutes later. He’s happy go lucky, quite sweet, not malicious or intentional, and often times people get annoyed by it, yet don't feel ‘aggression’ from him.
From an anthroposophical medical standpoint, a child like this is looking to get into his limbs. They’re sensory seeking and can't even help themselves! Oftentimes treatment for this includes gross motor tasks - big movement chores, movement before school, at recess to encourage large arm circles, big breaths, jumping up and down. It's getting them into their limbs! This is combined with remedies that allow the entrance of energy into their limbs.
Scenario three: 7 year old female whose parents concerns are that she often bites, scratches and calls her siblings nasty names. Oftentimes afterwards, she’ll hide or withdraw into her room. They also say, when she’s not lashing out, that she is a caretaker amongst her siblings. She's often nervous and comes across as anxious with lots of people in a room. She sticks close to mom in session and curls up on her lap.
In this case, children like this feel and sense everything around them. People's energy, feelings, physical actions. It's as if they are trying to keep people out of their physical space and keep distant. They are so aware of others feelings such that it's all too overwhelming to know they’ve hurt someone, so they withdraw. The reason why they are the caretakers is because they are so sensitive! Good advice to teachers to support children such as this, is to invite them into a room and ask what they notice or see. Get them comfortable in their surroundings and allow them their physical space. For these kids I’ll typically give remedies that help to strengthen boundaries, allowing them to ‘sense’ less energy around them therefore feeling less need to lash out.
Scenario four: 6 year old male who LOVES to poke fingers at people. Teacher reports that they are inconsiderate yet not intentional. Some kids feel as though they are bullied by him as he just repeatedly pokes at them. He is friendly though and has an engaging demeanor and loves to recount stories of events that have happened recently. His energy is high and can come across as hyperactive.
In this scenario, the child has not entered into their limbs similar to scenario two yet in this case, they are completely disconnected whereas scenario two has density in their limbs. They dont have awareness that something would hurt and they repeatedly bother someone as they need repetition in order to help get into their limbs. This scenario is invasive yet disconnected vs scenario two is in motion and colliding. For this type I give remedies that calm the nervous system down and allow movement (ie constant poking) to slow down. It's like we want them MORE in their limbs so then they can feel that constant poking WOULD BE bothersome to them as well!
If this is a number one concern, let's explore ways to support the child and use their energy in a more socially appropriate way. Not only do I use anthroposophical medicine in these aggression examples, we also very much want to look at the gut brain connection, toxic load as well as past trauma to the nervous system and what is that like for them now.
